I nEed a Halo

If only I have the guts to tell a friend what’s really happening, I would. If only I have the courage to say how I’m feeling with my life this time, I’ll never hesitate to sit beside her and tell the story for a time.

I’m so confuse with life this time. Feeling bored, lost and so down that I’m loosing my self-esteem once again. Everyday that I seem to get up from bed is a hard time for me. I encounter laziness and always saying hello to boredom. What a day! I didn’t even think of something new that will make my morning better and for the rest of the day, rather I saw sadness.

There is something bothering me, I know… and something is wrong with me. I used to ask myself if I’m ok… I say “yes” but deep down I know I’m not. I know there is something wrong. I can figure it out but I refuse those reasons. Nothing is motivating me at all to live with this simple life. I want to move out, to look forward for a better life beyond those stupid things that just happened to me. I rely on a bottle of beers before I can go to sleep. This isn’t normal I know. This is wrong. But this is just the way I can set myself for a good sleep. It’s hard to simply deal with life if you’re in denial of something that you feel. I can barely smile, but I can’t deny the real emotions that I have inside. I’m not happy. I’m no longer comfortable in a world that I’m moving in.

I want something new; I want something that would change my life. Something that I can tell that life is not full of shit. I know there is huge good thing ahead of me. I hope I can still wait. I’m asking patience to stay longer. I don’t wanna see the time ending my life out of nothing, again.

I need a Halo.

WOES

I’ve been freaking thinking and stress this past few days and that makes me go like crazy now. After all the dilemma, complications and countless questions, grrr… I still manage to get up in the morning and go on with life. Some brainteaser occupies my mind and solving every query and riddle of life makes me even stronger rather than just sit down in the corner of my pad while taking some smoke and beer.

Misfortunes always happen to life surprisingly, or it’s when you least expect it. There could be times that you expect it too but then you put yourself in self-denial that it’s happening. In some way we try to understand that those vexations, anxieties and worries have its own reasons for life.

The pressure I have right now annoys me, of course. I can feel it. But I don’t want to consider it a pest instead a hindrance that needs to be solved and not to be wasted.

Life sometimes is so unfair.

But I need to be patient.

I need to forgive.

I need to accept.